Categories: Movie and Series Reviews

Novocaine (2025) 3/5

Categories 3/5, Action, Comedy, Movie and Series Reviews, Thriller

Jack Quaid is Nate, who finds himself chasing down the sudden love of his life (Amber Midthunder as Sherry). There are twists along the journey, but none that are handled very well. Then there is Ray Nicholson as Simon, the supposedly menacing villain of the movie, who feels as though he is constantly holding back and playing into the writers’ room.

There are undoubtedly funny moments, and it is probably the strongest area of the film, but some deliveries could be punched up, and some payoffs could happen that never do. I found myself thinking about how the movie could benefit from a partial injection from the movie Crank. Novocaine certainly doesn’t need everything Crank was, but it could use a bit more energy and self-awareness. As is, it gets a bit lost in monologues and a bit of a middling tone.

This is where I get a little into spoiler territory. I think the pie thing should have looped around with him accidentally biting himself and bleeding a little, with that same big smile on his face. Some more characterization would have helped to explain why this guy goes as far as he does for Sherry and why he is so quick to okay her criminal ways—having been involved in this situation and past ones that got people killed. It was probably okay that Sherry was two-dimensional, but I don’t think the protagonist should be so close on the line. The last act is a bit too long, and I was tired at seeing Simon’s inevitable demise being dragged out.

I think people who are looking for a dumb-fun type of time will get a lot more than me out of this. I like to backseat my brain sometimes, but I am also the wrong person to ask to get excited about car chases or to overlook people acting in nonsense ways.

Terminator 3 Rise of the Machines (2003) 1.5/5

Categories 1.5/5, Action, Movie and Series Reviews, Sci-Fi

I remember when T3 first came out, I thought more highly of it than everyone else I knew. I guess I’ve changed, because it is such a disservice to the franchise.

Story and Vibes

Ol’ Arnie is not given a lot to work with here, as he fires pounds of lead at police officers only for no human casualties to flash across the screen. Mind you, he is carrying John Connor, who is chiefly important to protect, while being fired upon. But bullets have very little weight in this movie.

Then there is the whole Linda Hamilton thing—or lack thereof. I did some reading, and I guess she had the good sense to not want to come back, and so they simply wrote that she died off-screen. Why do all of these follow-up writers and directors want to kill beloved James Cameron characters off-screen? Yuck.

The story feels directionless. There is an immediate need to survive, but not a strong direction that the protagonists are working towards, and the movie is weaker for it. It takes nearly an hour into the movie before one of the trio even believes that what is happening is real. The script just isn’t it, and it doesn’t show a skilled creator.

Oh, and stating that Judgment Day is inevitable and could never be stopped kind of kills the franchise vibe. It just does not feel as good that all effort in prior movies was only to delay the dial a bit. It is also absurd that, of all the ways humanity would wreck itself, this is the one that has to happen—with only slight variations.

Oh, oh! I know they explained it, but having everyone of importance being killed within the confines of L.A. is seriously dumb. That is even after you ignore that none of these people seem to really matter, and their deaths just feel like a waste of time. Plus, they never once draw the worry out of people like a simple phone call could prior. I really feel like the director has to be at large fault here for not recognizing so many faults.

Even the lighting is awful and lacks any character. Zero mood.

Effects

All over the place—some visuals look great, and others look at home in a cheap SyFy channel flick.

Cast

The cast is all over the place. The aggressing Terminator—beautiful and deadly—is unevenly portrayed. I don’t entirely blame Kristanna Loken, as there are childish choices throughout the movie and our antagonist is not spared from them, as her breasts grow to try to trick an officer during a speeding stop. Not to mention she is led through the role as a smug terminator and that just feels so out of place. Slight smiles in response to swing in her direction feel overly human and wasteful. After creating two of the most iconic killing machines, this one wet the bed.

Arnie is himself but also falls victim to such jokes without buildup or payoff. “Talk to the hand,” he tells a gas station clerk when confronted about paying for items he has collected. None of these items prove vital, and I am not really sure what the stop accomplished for the script, but it is just one small example in a sea of examples of why the movie is bad.

New John Connor, played by Nick Stahl, never offers anything unique but isn’t terrible. It is a case where you could swap him out with any other early 2000s star and it would be samey. It is a shame—movies like In the Bedroom show that he can definitely act. I just take this as further evidence that the director doesn’t know what he is doing. Sorta similar vibes from Claire Danes as future wife to John Connor. I had to look up that her name is Kelly, but I don’t think it should be held against me. The movie doesn’t give Kelly anything to really work with that isn’t trio-discussions about what is coming in the future.

Conclusion

It is bad and it is better to leave it off the timeline.

A Minecraft Movie (2025) 2/5

Categories 2/5, Action, Adventure, Comedy, Family, Fantasy, Movie and Series Reviews

I have probably spent upward of a thousand hours goofing off in Minecraft Java Edition. I accomplish very little, but I always have a good time each time I jump back in since launch. That being said, I know the target audience is probably younger and so I went into watching A Minecraft Movie ready to embrace that it was for a younger audience. Even having done that, I just don’t think the movie is very good. Spoilers ahead.

Visuals

Visually, the movie is charming at times. In the real world, there is an aesthetic to the locations and even more so to the characters. However, I think quite a few scenes in the Overworld are jarring as real people stand on animated terrain. At times, the green screens feel present even when completely unseen. That isn’t to say that there is not some cool imagery here. The Nether looks especially neat and is an area that is mostly kept for just the piglins, and so it works very well.

Characters

Jack Black doesn’t slouch in his efforts as Steve, and fully tries to sell each scene regardless of whether they work or not and that is to be commended. Most of the other characters don’t really get fleshed out. Danielle Brooks is almost insultingly treated, as she plays Dawn, who gets to serve up almost nothing to the story and her character is little more than just a face to react to things. Trailing behind is Emma Myers as Natalie, with some initial development that doesn’t ever go anywhere or circle back meaningfully. Jason Momoa as Garret “Garbage Man” Garrison gets some fun moments and serves as comedic relief and a very mild foil to others’ good intent. He has some legitimately funny personality and that was cool to see when I was assuming he would grate my nerves based off the poster. Henry, played by Sebastian Eugene Hansen, doesn’t change throughout the flick and his growth is not succeeding (through no fault of his own) and then succeeding.

So characters? Very mishandled, with some comedic moments that land. Just don’t expect any sort of growth or depth beyond a 1 block pond.

Story

The movie feels like “behind the scenes”, there was a lot of committee in its making. Without a cohesive vision to make the entire project unified, it feels exactly like a corporate cash grab with interference. A lot of the IP itself is handled well, with nods to Minecraft culture. Some not so much, like the most polite creepers ever. The movie also doesn’t really do a good job of explaining why its characters would ever choose to leave the Overworld for the real world. You have two lonely kids, one in a bad job and the other in a bad school. A woman who seems to be hustling at multiple jobs that are tiring her out. A guy who is stuck in the past and would kill for a chance at some forward measure of success. Also, what happened to the diamonds they went out of their way for him to pocket? Steve also has no real reason to leave, as he seems to love where he is and has not tired of it. The only thing that made me see the sense in their choices was that the world didn’t inspire the level of joy that the game does and that is a shame.

Oh, and the post-credits sequel setup was weirdly done. It is clearly one person acting and another person speaking as Alex.

True Detective: Season 4 (2024) 2.5/5

Categories 2.5/5, Crime, Drama, Horror, Movie and Series Reviews, Mystery, Thriller

Season 4 of True Detective benefits a lot from its cast, with everyone involved turning in great performances. Kali Reis and Jodie Fosters, the leads this go around, give nuance to their characters that make them compelling to watch. Reis has to play it a bit more straight while Foster gets to come across more as an antihero, and it is legitimately fun to watch. Reis does get an interesting romantic relationship though that flips what we are used to seeing and that was exciting.

Not all of the supporting cast can say they get as much to do. Christopher Eccleston is a presence that is around until he suddenly isn’t, and Fiona Shaw is mysterious and underdeveloped for the role that she plays. Again though, nobody does poorly with what they get.

The first episode sets high expectations and is truly unsettling. Unfortunately it did not pay off, and the final episodes explanation just made me wonder if these were really True Detectives if so much went unnoticed. What is worse is the use of horror-like elements sometimes come across cheap. An orange can be a powerful way to connect ideas together and imply something going on with a persons mind, but what are we to think of random spirits behind our characters that they never see? There is no story there, unless the implication is that the audience is hallucinating or going through something spiritual.

Benefiting the show is its cold atmosphere, set in the remote town of Ennis, Alaska. The sets are great and become a bit of characters themselves. Visually, the show should be commended. It really sells this cold setting and the cast leans into it.

Jodie Foster’s character asks people around her to ask the right questions, but you aren’t rewarded for doing that here as the audience. Why was there a need for secrecy in these two peoples relationship? There wasn’t. Why did that guy sit up in his bed and say what he said? Spooky vibes. And on and on. The show wants to be really smart, but it does not stand up to even the most basic questions.

By the end of it all, I felt a bit cheated. It never reaches Lost levels of not paying off, but it doesn’t slouch either and its final explanation and whimsical sendoff did not feel good. This is a story that promises a lot and delivers very little. If you can survive on vibes alone though, they are there and they are good. I’m not really mad, just feeling a bit let down. For a show that started so strong, and felt like it had something to say, it could have gone with a much stronger writer to make it all feel connected. I may never know who wrote, or had the time to write, “we are all dead,” but I certainly died a bit from the lack of cohesion.

Alien Romulus (2024) 3.5/5

Categories 3.5/5, Horror, Movie and Series Reviews, Sci-Fi, Thriller

Alien Romulus is ahead of the third, fourth, fifth, and sixth films purely by not being upsetting. There is probably reason to be upset for some, in fact I am sure of it, but not for me.

The cast are doing well with what they are given, even if some side characters feel purely like stand-ins setup to die and little else. Everyone has the benefit though of not being asked to say or do stupid things compared to prior films in the series.

There is a scene I would strongly like to change. I’ll stay vague, but it uses a piece of dialogue that is famous from the third film and it should have just stuck to using half of the line to feel more honest to the new character. As well, there are two instances of face-to-face with an alien that lasts some seconds too long. The film could do with some more immediacy to the dangers within it.

My final hope is that the Weyland Corporation is shown a little differently next time. Aliens (Alien 2) showed the Corporation as unpleasant as ever, but I did not have the sense that they could casually double workloads. The mustache twirling takes away from the tangible evil of the corporation, done better even in the franchises lesser films.

All that having been said, I like Rain and Andy. I actually am open to seeing more of these two if that is the direction it goes. Andy is inherently interesting and Rain is flawed and could become more compelling. More importantly, both actors were enjoyable to watch. I may even be tempted to get the Rain skin in Dead by Daylight at some point, if only though because Ripley does not look like Ripley.

Overall, I feel this is the most honest Alien sequel since the first two. Is it perfect? Definitely not. Is it even amazing? Not really. However, it didn’t offend me in any glaring ways and that is the most that I can say about an Alien movie in a long time.

The Knick: Season 1 and 1/2 of Season 2 (2014-2015) 3/5

Categories 3/5, Drama, History, Movie and Series Reviews

The Knick is treated to an excellent cast and some incredible direction leads to scenery that is captured in fantastic ways. However, I couldn’t bring myself to finish the series even after so much time invested. It was just sitting there, and I did not want to look at it.

There is an interest in the first season that is inherent. Seeing medicine in a period of time and without reservations is compelling. The drug fueled medicine feels unique, even in a world where House exists. Clive Owen, the shows center-focused lead, is both awful and endearing as he threatens to sew a nurses mouth shut. None of the other cast members are slouching either.

Still though, season 2 just was not the same for me. The concerns of the show seemed to have changed and my interest went with it. I think I deserve credit for sticking it out, I believe, a good five or six episodes before sort of wandering off. I had the time, but I just did not want anymore. Perhaps if it were sewn as tightly as the first season.

The Deep House (2021) 1.5/5

Categories 1.5/5, Horror, Movie and Series Reviews, Thriller

It is actually very shallow. After watching the flick, a quick search showed that the leads are as follows: someone who primarily identifies as a model and Jagger’s son. She does a serviceable job. He does something else. I really needed to know why he seemed so out of place, and that explains it enough for me.

What is worse, is the wastefulness of the setting. The movie initially holds some promise. How exciting is it to do a haunted house film underwater? That is a great idea! So why then is the whole house experience cliche after cliche! It is absurd because the setting actually works and the film stands a little taller despite what may have been a smaller budget, and yet it inflicts self-wound after self-wound while trying its best to sap out any originality that held promise.

Also, why are the only two characters for the majority of the movie constantly calling out to each other by name? Even underwater, wired directly to one another, they constantly speak to each other in this weird way. You would think that they had just met, not that they were partners.

I’m mostly just frustrated after watching The Deep House. A great idea does not make a film alone, and the execution here just is not it. Not the direction, not the script, and the cast is tied down. The movie is haunted.

Creature Commandos: Season 1 (2024) 4/5

Categories 4/5, Action, Animation, Movie and Series Reviews
Creature Commandos

The major plot points do not shock or surprise in Creature Commandos, but the journey is fun nonetheless. If you are familiar with James Gunn’s recent works, then you will know what to expect here. The lovable weirdos prove themselves to be lovable once again through his careful telling.

I think if the show had a bit more time with characters, it could go even a bit further. Some back stories do feel a little rushed and one feels a bit inappropriately placed. However, it speaks to the quality of the show that wishing for mostly more is a complaint. The attention to details in mannerisms from the script to the animation are to be applauded.

There is a lot of stand out work in the voice acting as well. Sean Gunn is a joy as G.I. Robot and once again as Weasel, Shohreh Aghdashloo shows up briefly as a Madam, Alan Tudyk is magnificent as Doctor Phosphorus, really nobody phones it in. I think David Harbour is probably the only character, as Frankenstein, that it was a little tougher for me to not hear the actor instead of the character. I get it though, Gunn wants to cast characters who can also fill in as live action versions of their characters and I would be on board seeing Harbour treated to a muscle suit in a good movie this time.

I hope Gunn can figure out a way to keep the outlandish and the weirdos functional in a mainstream way, because this gave me hope for vibing with comic book movies again.