Categories: Movie and Series Reviews

The Deep House (2021) 1.5/5

Categories 1.5/5, Horror, Movie and Series Reviews, Thriller

It is actually very shallow. After watching the flick, a quick search showed that the leads are as follows: someone who primarily identifies as a model and Jagger’s son. She does a serviceable job. He does something else. I really needed to know why he seemed so out of place, and that explains it enough for me.

What is worse, is the wastefulness of the setting. The movie initially holds some promise. How exciting is it to do a haunted house film underwater? That is a great idea! So why then is the whole house experience cliche after cliche! It is absurd because the setting actually works and the film stands a little taller despite what may have been a smaller budget, and yet it inflicts self-wound after self-wound while trying its best to sap out any originality that held promise.

Also, why are the only two characters for the majority of the movie constantly calling out to each other by name? Even underwater, wired directly to one another, they constantly speak to each other in this weird way. You would think that they had just met, not that they were partners.

I’m mostly just frustrated after watching The Deep House. A great idea does not make a film alone, and the execution here just is not it. Not the direction, not the script, and the cast is tied down. The movie is haunted.

Creature Commandos: Season 1 (2024) 4/5

Categories 4/5, Action, Animation, Movie and Series Reviews
Creature Commandos

The major plot points do not shock or surprise in Creature Commandos, but the journey is fun nonetheless. If you are familiar with James Gunn’s recent works, then you will know what to expect here. The lovable weirdos prove themselves to be lovable once again through his careful telling.

I think if the show had a bit more time with characters, it could go even a bit further. Some back stories do feel a little rushed and one feels a bit inappropriately placed. However, it speaks to the quality of the show that wishing for mostly more is a complaint. The attention to details in mannerisms from the script to the animation are to be applauded.

There is a lot of stand out work in the voice acting as well. Sean Gunn is a joy as G.I. Robot and once again as Weasel, Shohreh Aghdashloo shows up briefly as a Madam, Alan Tudyk is magnificent as Doctor Phosphorus, really nobody phones it in. I think David Harbour is probably the only character, as Frankenstein, that it was a little tougher for me to not hear the actor instead of the character. I get it though, Gunn wants to cast characters who can also fill in as live action versions of their characters and I would be on board seeing Harbour treated to a muscle suit in a good movie this time.

I hope Gunn can figure out a way to keep the outlandish and the weirdos functional in a mainstream way, because this gave me hope for vibing with comic book movies again.

Silent Night (2021) 2.5/5

Categories 2.5/5, Comedy, Movie and Series Reviews, Thriller

Silent Night is a dark holiday drama that throws comedy, apocalyptic tones, and moral themes into a blender. The idea of the movie is interesting, and the cast is here for it, but the inconsistencies in how it is all dealt out—like how some characters get so little development—are what hold the movie back from being any sort of Christmas contender.

Some more commitment to being darkly humored, or to the melodrama it wants to be, would go a long way toward fully appreciating this English countryside slow-caper. The cast is not slouching, as I genuinely wanted to see more from some, but they never quite go far enough.

On the note of dialogue, abundance of expletives do little to fill the rooms here and it doesn’t really convey what I think was intended — a world that is ending, with societal shackles dropped. Especially when the movie flip-flops between the humor of maintaining a clean household and being nonchalant because, well, end of the world.

The staging, the aforementioned English countryside, holds a lot of opportunity but is little more than a place where the movie happens to occur. Silent Night never feels like it takes full advantage of what it has. The initial reveals of the where, who, and what are legitimately interest! This makes it all the more unfortunate that, in the end, the movie feels wasteful. So much promise meets an unfortunate ending that, in the final act, feels forced and sadly unsurprising.

 

Kraven (2024) 2/5

Categories 2/5, Action, Movie and Series Reviews, Thriller

I wanted to like Kraven, I really did. Watching Aaron-Taylor Johnson punch windows is an enjoyable way to spend time. The problem is, nothing is gained here. I have no more faith in Sony to make anything solid with the Spider-Man villains than I did before. The writing is atrocious, and the visual spectacle, in a sea of visual spectacles, doesn’t really impress.

That is a large part of the problem with Kraven summed up. Everything feels like it has been done better elsewhere and with better sense. Simply being less egregious than Madame Web is not enough, nor should anyone use that metric. If you put together a capable cast like Kraven did, then you should bring a script and direction that makes something not immediately forgotten after viewing. Russell Crowe is a very capable actor, but he feels wasted here, and everything you think is going to happen is mostly what happens. It is unbearable.

I really wish there was some common sense in the writing most of all. This is Kraven, and him being a bit naughtier would have been a welcome thing. Like when Kraven asks what the magic juice—the source of his power—is, maybe wrap that around the idea that he wants more power, he is… craving it. The visuals also imply a movie that wants to be edgy but then pushes back against itself. Why go for an R rating if it is just to knock off a few goons and then contrast that with PG-13-style displays of Kraven getting tossed around? The blood and violence never feel truly integrated into the world around them, as they appear and vanish instantly. There is a helicopter scene that gets close to cool, but while doing more, it somehow feels a lot less than Captain America: Civil War and its helicopter-wrangling. That is the whole movie though, making you wish you were watching something else.

The villains are just there in Kraven, and the setup for familial conflict—both within the film and for its high-hoped sequel—is exhausting and often feels unearned.

Red One (2024) 2.5/5

Categories 2.5/5, Action, Comedy, Movie and Series Reviews

Shining brightest when leaning into unique ideas on mythology, Red One also does little with what it makes. That being said, Kristofer Hivju’s portrayal of Krampus is kind of awesome beyond the rest of the film. Unfortunately, Christmas magic seems to be missing from Red One. Visual effects, while serviceable, drain a lot of the movies energy with their overly abundant presence. You can feel the green screen imposing upon cheer, lurking. Like the sweet-sapping presentation of a “where it all began” sign, hanging off of a CGI creation of Santa’s original workshop.

Dwayne Johnson is Dwayne Johnson and Chris Evans is Chris Evans with a little bit of Ryan Reynolds in spirit. Both of the leads are likable, but they do not leave such a mark as to feel attached to the movie in any irreproachable union. Watching Evans get rag-doll thrown around in action sequences feels awkward at times, lacking any special powers, and left me wondering if the film forgot he is not playing Captain America.

The movie is not a pure misfire like the poster would leave you to expect and I would never say it is a lump of coal, but it could be a padding gift at the bottom of a stocking. The originality is mishandled, but somehow the film still sneaks in as average. I credit Krampus and his large hands. If you are into action flicks and mindless holiday viewings, then maybe consider Red One. Just be prepared, because the movie runs about half an hour longer than it deserves.

The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992) 4/5

Categories 4/5, Comedy, Family, Movie and Series Reviews, Musical

Brian Henson, the son of famed Muppets creator Jim Henson, has created one of the best renditions of Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol. It is played for all audiences, but this approach never holds back the movie and it certainly never feels like a movie that is talking down to its audience.

I reviewed another one of Brian Henson’s creations last year for Halloween. Battleground, an episode of the anthology Nightmares & Dreamscapes: From the Stories of Stephen King, featured a hitman (William Hurt) locked in an exciting battle with toys. The best episode of the collection by far, it does not surprise me then that The Muppet Christmas Carol is also such a standout. The attention to detail is as rich with the Muppets, as actors and puppet-actors mix effortlessly and with joy.

Michael Caine’s role as Ebenezer Scrooge is also timeless. Caine is just purely delightful to watch, as his eyes and subtleties give life to the well worn shoes. Scrooge grabs onto the characters and world around him and it is sincere and elevates the movie. The face certainly is not the whole movie, but if you are going to be one of the few people-people in front of the camera then it is what you would hope for.

Oh and the sets. They are absolutely charming. The Henson name comes with an expectation, at least in my eyes, to be captivated in a kind of magic for the worlds involved. The Muppet Christmas Carol is no slouch either in this regard as the puppets you expect to see are all standouts. What is even better are the newer characters, creations to fill the three ghosts, as they are striking and fantastic camera tricks make them all the better.

Finally, as a light musical, what would it be if I did not touch on the songs. Paul Williams composed a wonderful assortment of songs that mostly plays well to its setting and feels ripped straight from Dickens pages. In fact, a quick scouring of the internet reveals that this was in fact how Williams went about it, turning the pages and finding the words. Just listen as the song Scrooge opens the film and hear the affection or enjoy the Marley brothers in one of my favorite scenes. I can see some people not connecting with everything, I didn’t, but buying into the intent means a lot here.

If you find yourself watching The Muppet Christmas Carol, you will feel the magic or you should be checked for a pulse.

Cold Comes the Night (2013) 1.5/5

Categories 1.5/5, Crime, Movie and Series Reviews, Thriller

It is hard to imagine that Cold Comes the Night coincided with the conclusion of Breaking Bad. One had Bryan Cranston giving a career defining closeout performance for one of the most well regarded shows, while the other is Cold Comes the Night. I swear it is almost incomprehensible how these are the same two people. I guess all the good juice got squeezed for Breaking Bad, because Cranston is the weakest link in the cast here.

I would not give the lions share of blame to the actors though. Direction for the movie is very off. The script also does no favors, but execution is the death of it. You can see it in how Alice Eve has a couple of scenes that are obviously in need of another go, while the rest is fine. There is a garage scene and someone is the lookout for Cranston’s Togo, and it may be some of the worst line delivery. Those kind of problems extend to the whole film. Some scenes actually work well and then others are so obviously bad that they felt unguided.

I learned that during the making of Cold Comes the Night, Cranston made a short film, Writers Block by Brandon Polanco, with some of the movie crew during bad weather. Honestly, if you just want some Cranston then watch that. It is very much an art piece, so it will not be for everyone, but it is 12 minutes of Cranston being the best part of something. That is a world I prefer.

The Day of the Jackal (2024) (Episodes 1 & 2) 2/5

Categories 2/5, Crime, Movie and Series Reviews, Thriller

The Day of the Jackal feels like cheap TV, but with a bigger budget. The story is not particularly great so far if you do anything other than swallow everything that is presented to you, a hard pill when a lot does not make sense. Fitting of daytime network TV, there is an army of one British intelligence officer who does it all. They come up with the ideas, know which individual in the entirety of the world is likely to have the answers they seek, do the CPR themselves in an ambulance, go on site and chase the baddies themselves, and they aren’t afraid to raise their voice to their superiors.

In a world of police procedural shows, there is nothing special here in the first two episodes and I don’t think it deserves more of my time in hopeful improvement. The edge to the show, that it deeply wants, feels heavily manufactured and hamfisted into a blah existence. This is not the spy thriller for grown-ups some would have you believe.

I think people are going to be harsh on the portrayal of Bianca by Lashana Lynch, but I think her consistency shows she is capturing what the show probably asked for. The layers of tropes were written in. Eddie Redmayne gets it a bit easier as Jackel, who is likable despite his chosen profession. The choice to go that rout, mirroring one another and who is and isn’t likable, is one of the more interesting choices of the show. However, all good will bought is then sold for nonsense events and smart characters not asking basic questions.