Categories: Movie and Series Reviews, 1.5/5

Terminator 3 Rise of the Machines (2003) 1.5/5

Categories 1.5/5, Action, Movie and Series Reviews, Sci-Fi

I remember when T3 first came out, I thought more highly of it than everyone else I knew. I guess I’ve changed, because it is such a disservice to the franchise.

Story and Vibes

Ol’ Arnie is not given a lot to work with here, as he fires pounds of lead at police officers only for no human casualties to flash across the screen. Mind you, he is carrying John Connor, who is chiefly important to protect, while being fired upon. But bullets have very little weight in this movie.

Then there is the whole Linda Hamilton thing—or lack thereof. I did some reading, and I guess she had the good sense to not want to come back, and so they simply wrote that she died off-screen. Why do all of these follow-up writers and directors want to kill beloved James Cameron characters off-screen? Yuck.

The story feels directionless. There is an immediate need to survive, but not a strong direction that the protagonists are working towards, and the movie is weaker for it. It takes nearly an hour into the movie before one of the trio even believes that what is happening is real. The script just isn’t it, and it doesn’t show a skilled creator.

Oh, and stating that Judgment Day is inevitable and could never be stopped kind of kills the franchise vibe. It just does not feel as good that all effort in prior movies was only to delay the dial a bit. It is also absurd that, of all the ways humanity would wreck itself, this is the one that has to happen—with only slight variations.

Oh, oh! I know they explained it, but having everyone of importance being killed within the confines of L.A. is seriously dumb. That is even after you ignore that none of these people seem to really matter, and their deaths just feel like a waste of time. Plus, they never once draw the worry out of people like a simple phone call could prior. I really feel like the director has to be at large fault here for not recognizing so many faults.

Even the lighting is awful and lacks any character. Zero mood.

Effects

All over the place—some visuals look great, and others look at home in a cheap SyFy channel flick.

Cast

The cast is all over the place. The aggressing Terminator—beautiful and deadly—is unevenly portrayed. I don’t entirely blame Kristanna Loken, as there are childish choices throughout the movie and our antagonist is not spared from them, as her breasts grow to try to trick an officer during a speeding stop. Not to mention she is led through the role as a smug terminator and that just feels so out of place. Slight smiles in response to swing in her direction feel overly human and wasteful. After creating two of the most iconic killing machines, this one wet the bed.

Arnie is himself but also falls victim to such jokes without buildup or payoff. “Talk to the hand,” he tells a gas station clerk when confronted about paying for items he has collected. None of these items prove vital, and I am not really sure what the stop accomplished for the script, but it is just one small example in a sea of examples of why the movie is bad.

New John Connor, played by Nick Stahl, never offers anything unique but isn’t terrible. It is a case where you could swap him out with any other early 2000s star and it would be samey. It is a shame—movies like In the Bedroom show that he can definitely act. I just take this as further evidence that the director doesn’t know what he is doing. Sorta similar vibes from Claire Danes as future wife to John Connor. I had to look up that her name is Kelly, but I don’t think it should be held against me. The movie doesn’t give Kelly anything to really work with that isn’t trio-discussions about what is coming in the future.

Conclusion

It is bad and it is better to leave it off the timeline.

The Deep House (2021) 1.5/5

Categories 1.5/5, Horror, Movie and Series Reviews, Thriller

It is actually very shallow. After watching the flick, a quick search showed that the leads are as follows: someone who primarily identifies as a model and Jagger’s son. She does a serviceable job. He does something else. I really needed to know why he seemed so out of place, and that explains it enough for me.

What is worse, is the wastefulness of the setting. The movie initially holds some promise. How exciting is it to do a haunted house film underwater? That is a great idea! So why then is the whole house experience cliche after cliche! It is absurd because the setting actually works and the film stands a little taller despite what may have been a smaller budget, and yet it inflicts self-wound after self-wound while trying its best to sap out any originality that held promise.

Also, why are the only two characters for the majority of the movie constantly calling out to each other by name? Even underwater, wired directly to one another, they constantly speak to each other in this weird way. You would think that they had just met, not that they were partners.

I’m mostly just frustrated after watching The Deep House. A great idea does not make a film alone, and the execution here just is not it. Not the direction, not the script, and the cast is tied down. The movie is haunted.

Cold Comes the Night (2013) 1.5/5

Categories 1.5/5, Crime, Movie and Series Reviews, Thriller

It is hard to imagine that Cold Comes the Night coincided with the conclusion of Breaking Bad. One had Bryan Cranston giving a career defining closeout performance for one of the most well regarded shows, while the other is Cold Comes the Night. I swear it is almost incomprehensible how these are the same two people. I guess all the good juice got squeezed for Breaking Bad, because Cranston is the weakest link in the cast here.

I would not give the lions share of blame to the actors though. Direction for the movie is very off. The script also does no favors, but execution is the death of it. You can see it in how Alice Eve has a couple of scenes that are obviously in need of another go, while the rest is fine. There is a garage scene and someone is the lookout for Cranston’s Togo, and it may be some of the worst line delivery. Those kind of problems extend to the whole film. Some scenes actually work well and then others are so obviously bad that they felt unguided.

I learned that during the making of Cold Comes the Night, Cranston made a short film, Writers Block by Brandon Polanco, with some of the movie crew during bad weather. Honestly, if you just want some Cranston then watch that. It is very much an art piece, so it will not be for everyone, but it is 12 minutes of Cranston being the best part of something. That is a world I prefer.

A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988) 1.5/5

Categories 1.5/5, Horror, Movie and Series Reviews

I cannot be bothered to do more than a list with this one.

-Tuesday Knight is a big downgrade from Patricia Arquette as Kristen Parker from the prior film.
-Wasted the prior cast. They should have just moved on or focused on the actual returning actors.
-A step back in acting.
-It feels super reductive to go back to the mother undermining things again.
-Lazy work. No room rotation when you expect it and unsmooth jumps in camera work throughout.
-Some really bad deaths, very lazy.
-Revisiting the doubt from everyone is lame and makes no sense after characters acknowledge they know the story, like it is more common knowledge that odd stuff happened.
-Passing powers is stupid.
-Our man, Fred, is not very scary here.
-Wounds don’t manifest in the real world. They established in the last movie that they did, its why Fred had to make it look like some of them were hurting themselves before. It is a lazy way to perpetuate everyones doubt this time.
-The Dream Master stuff is dumb and heavy handed.
-The dojo stuff. Why invisible? Why does it only reflect the kids personality and not also Fred’s? This was so dumb.
-“Daydream” scene is dumb. I would have accepted micronapping.

Blah, I say. Blah.

Glass (2019) 1.5/5

Categories 1.5/5, Drama, Horror, Movie and Series Reviews, Sci-Fi, Thriller

Glass is so impatient with its characters that it feels detached from Unbreakable and Split. The camera jumps around, dialogue is fast and sometimes feels weak, and McAvoy is a delight to see again but even his multiple characters are shown very little patience of time.

Some strings are also pulled way too tight to get all of these characters together again, some not making sense as they are portrayed.

Shyamalan is not always balanced in his casting and direction of said casts either, and this is no exception as there are uneven performances.

Shyamalan also, once again, falls victim to having cool ideas and hamfisting his way to their execution. Ultimately it does what it always does, cool moments mixed with nonsensical ones and an overall feeling of “if only he had done a better.” The characters deserved so much better.

Dear Santa (2024) 1.5/5

Categories 1.5/5, Comedy, Fantasy, Movie and Series Reviews

I am not sure who will be watching this once it disappears from feeds. It does not commit enough to any direction and turns its premise and in-world rules about wishes into nonsense by the end of the film, and it does so for no payoff.

Jack Black’s costume was cool though.

Atlas (2024) 1.5/5

Categories 1.5/5, Action, Adventure, Drama, Movie and Series Reviews, Sci-Fi, Thriller

There are a lot of neat parts here but it just doesn’t come together well, and I think that falls very heavily on the direction and the script.

Everything else ranges from serviceable to good. I am not a big JLo listener/watcher but I think I could see people wrongly putting it on her shoulders because her face is all over it. None of the actors felt like they were slacking off and the fx house did some neat work.