Categories: Movie and Series Reviews, 2/5

A Minecraft Movie (2025) 2/5

Categories 2/5, Action, Adventure, Comedy, Family, Fantasy, Movie and Series Reviews

I have probably spent upward of a thousand hours goofing off in Minecraft Java Edition. I accomplish very little, but I always have a good time each time I jump back in since launch. That being said, I know the target audience is probably younger and so I went into watching A Minecraft Movie ready to embrace that it was for a younger audience. Even having done that, I just don’t think the movie is very good. Spoilers ahead.

Visuals

Visually, the movie is charming at times. In the real world, there is an aesthetic to the locations and even more so to the characters. However, I think quite a few scenes in the Overworld are jarring as real people stand on animated terrain. At times, the green screens feel present even when completely unseen. That isn’t to say that there is not some cool imagery here. The Nether looks especially neat and is an area that is mostly kept for just the piglins, and so it works very well.

Characters

Jack Black doesn’t slouch in his efforts as Steve, and fully tries to sell each scene regardless of whether they work or not and that is to be commended. Most of the other characters don’t really get fleshed out. Danielle Brooks is almost insultingly treated, as she plays Dawn, who gets to serve up almost nothing to the story and her character is little more than just a face to react to things. Trailing behind is Emma Myers as Natalie, with some initial development that doesn’t ever go anywhere or circle back meaningfully. Jason Momoa as Garret “Garbage Man” Garrison gets some fun moments and serves as comedic relief and a very mild foil to others’ good intent. He has some legitimately funny personality and that was cool to see when I was assuming he would grate my nerves based off the poster. Henry, played by Sebastian Eugene Hansen, doesn’t change throughout the flick and his growth is not succeeding (through no fault of his own) and then succeeding.

So characters? Very mishandled, with some comedic moments that land. Just don’t expect any sort of growth or depth beyond a 1 block pond.

Story

The movie feels like “behind the scenes”, there was a lot of committee in its making. Without a cohesive vision to make the entire project unified, it feels exactly like a corporate cash grab with interference. A lot of the IP itself is handled well, with nods to Minecraft culture. Some not so much, like the most polite creepers ever. The movie also doesn’t really do a good job of explaining why its characters would ever choose to leave the Overworld for the real world. You have two lonely kids, one in a bad job and the other in a bad school. A woman who seems to be hustling at multiple jobs that are tiring her out. A guy who is stuck in the past and would kill for a chance at some forward measure of success. Also, what happened to the diamonds they went out of their way for him to pocket? Steve also has no real reason to leave, as he seems to love where he is and has not tired of it. The only thing that made me see the sense in their choices was that the world didn’t inspire the level of joy that the game does and that is a shame.

Oh, and the post-credits sequel setup was weirdly done. It is clearly one person acting and another person speaking as Alex.

Kraven (2024) 2/5

Categories 2/5, Action, Movie and Series Reviews, Thriller

I wanted to like Kraven, I really did. Watching Aaron-Taylor Johnson punch windows is an enjoyable way to spend time. The problem is, nothing is gained here. I have no more faith in Sony to make anything solid with the Spider-Man villains than I did before. The writing is atrocious, and the visual spectacle, in a sea of visual spectacles, doesn’t really impress.

That is a large part of the problem with Kraven summed up. Everything feels like it has been done better elsewhere and with better sense. Simply being less egregious than Madame Web is not enough, nor should anyone use that metric. If you put together a capable cast like Kraven did, then you should bring a script and direction that makes something not immediately forgotten after viewing. Russell Crowe is a very capable actor, but he feels wasted here, and everything you think is going to happen is mostly what happens. It is unbearable.

I really wish there was some common sense in the writing most of all. This is Kraven, and him being a bit naughtier would have been a welcome thing. Like when Kraven asks what the magic juice—the source of his power—is, maybe wrap that around the idea that he wants more power, he is… craving it. The visuals also imply a movie that wants to be edgy but then pushes back against itself. Why go for an R rating if it is just to knock off a few goons and then contrast that with PG-13-style displays of Kraven getting tossed around? The blood and violence never feel truly integrated into the world around them, as they appear and vanish instantly. There is a helicopter scene that gets close to cool, but while doing more, it somehow feels a lot less than Captain America: Civil War and its helicopter-wrangling. That is the whole movie though, making you wish you were watching something else.

The villains are just there in Kraven, and the setup for familial conflict—both within the film and for its high-hoped sequel—is exhausting and often feels unearned.

The Day of the Jackal (2024) (Episodes 1 & 2) 2/5

Categories 2/5, Crime, Movie and Series Reviews, Thriller

The Day of the Jackal feels like cheap TV, but with a bigger budget. The story is not particularly great so far if you do anything other than swallow everything that is presented to you, a hard pill when a lot does not make sense. Fitting of daytime network TV, there is an army of one British intelligence officer who does it all. They come up with the ideas, know which individual in the entirety of the world is likely to have the answers they seek, do the CPR themselves in an ambulance, go on site and chase the baddies themselves, and they aren’t afraid to raise their voice to their superiors.

In a world of police procedural shows, there is nothing special here in the first two episodes and I don’t think it deserves more of my time in hopeful improvement. The edge to the show, that it deeply wants, feels heavily manufactured and hamfisted into a blah existence. This is not the spy thriller for grown-ups some would have you believe.

I think people are going to be harsh on the portrayal of Bianca by Lashana Lynch, but I think her consistency shows she is capturing what the show probably asked for. The layers of tropes were written in. Eddie Redmayne gets it a bit easier as Jackel, who is likable despite his chosen profession. The choice to go that rout, mirroring one another and who is and isn’t likable, is one of the more interesting choices of the show. However, all good will bought is then sold for nonsense events and smart characters not asking basic questions.

Alien Resurrection (1997) 2/5

Categories 2/5, Action, Horror, Movie and Series Reviews, Sci-Fi

Whedon does not get a pass for this. I had to search for this, he commented that the movies script was mostly intact but the direction was bad. Then he commented the casting was bad later. Everything was bad except his script.

Don’t get me wrong, the direction is extra bad and there are bits where you could see the writers intent vs what we got, but its bad. A tone correction to pronouncing fork would not have fixed this mess. I don’t think this would have been a Serenity, and I don’t think jokes about Walmart show any appreciation for the setting. Whedon is not one to take blame though, clearly.

It is amazing how many recognizable faces are in this and yet how squandered it all is. Whedon complained about typcasting but I think actors who know how to play a type is a small issue in the grand scheme. Winona Ryder is the only one who seems to struggle a bit, with any other issues being down to directors interpretation of scenes. That direction will definitely be noticeable though, as at the time the director did not speak english and I believe this is why jokes are often said loudly or seriously.

There are just far too many nonsense things that happen and make no sense. Also, basketball. In general though, it feels as though Whedon didn’t really get what came before. Established things are not taken seriously, like if a face-hugger gets on you all the way then you probably aren’t getting it off.

Being brave with a series isn’t the worst. A franchise like Scream has suffered from beating the same drum over and over again in my opinion. I think the idea of injecting more humor, as the script seemed to want to do, isn’t necessarily wrong. The first movie was horror, then action, then whatever the third was (worse action?), and this could have been a blend or some such. It needs to respect the foundations though, and it struggles to find any footing.

Trap (2024) 2/5

Categories 2/5, Crime, Horror, Movie and Series Reviews, Mystery, Thriller

The twist is how much you are tricked into listening to the young Shyamaln’s music. This is what I imagine a dark and edgy movie from early 2000’s Disney channel would look like. I’m just so surprised at the lack of polish and how many times things happen because the writer wanted them to rather than them making sense. Hartnett is the only cast given a chance to stretch his legs a bit and he does so admirably, but he is held back by the script and execution. If you are like me, you will want to leave the concert just as bad as our villain does.

A Quiet Place: Day One (2024) 2/5

Categories 2/5, Drama, Horror, Movie and Series Reviews, Sci-Fi, Thriller

A movie that is so far removed from the sincerity of the prior two before it. Not that it doesn’t try, it really tries but its all vapor. The cast is fine but is given very little to shine with. The cinematography doesn’t really add anything either, as sense of scale never really hits hard. The fear of the creatures is also brought down a lot here throughout various scenes.

I really wanted to like this movie, a lot. I think the first two are pretty great but this is not it.