Categories: Movie and Series Reviews, Action

Novocaine (2025) 3/5

Categories 3/5, Action, Comedy, Movie and Series Reviews, Thriller

Jack Quaid is Nate, who finds himself chasing down the sudden love of his life (Amber Midthunder as Sherry). There are twists along the journey, but none that are handled very well. Then there is Ray Nicholson as Simon, the supposedly menacing villain of the movie, who feels as though he is constantly holding back and playing into the writers’ room.

There are undoubtedly funny moments, and it is probably the strongest area of the film, but some deliveries could be punched up, and some payoffs could happen that never do. I found myself thinking about how the movie could benefit from a partial injection from the movie Crank. Novocaine certainly doesn’t need everything Crank was, but it could use a bit more energy and self-awareness. As is, it gets a bit lost in monologues and a bit of a middling tone.

This is where I get a little into spoiler territory. I think the pie thing should have looped around with him accidentally biting himself and bleeding a little, with that same big smile on his face. Some more characterization would have helped to explain why this guy goes as far as he does for Sherry and why he is so quick to okay her criminal ways—having been involved in this situation and past ones that got people killed. It was probably okay that Sherry was two-dimensional, but I don’t think the protagonist should be so close on the line. The last act is a bit too long, and I was tired at seeing Simon’s inevitable demise being dragged out.

I think people who are looking for a dumb-fun type of time will get a lot more than me out of this. I like to backseat my brain sometimes, but I am also the wrong person to ask to get excited about car chases or to overlook people acting in nonsense ways.

Terminator 3 Rise of the Machines (2003) 1.5/5

Categories 1.5/5, Action, Movie and Series Reviews, Sci-Fi

I remember when T3 first came out, I thought more highly of it than everyone else I knew. I guess I’ve changed, because it is such a disservice to the franchise.

Story and Vibes

Ol’ Arnie is not given a lot to work with here, as he fires pounds of lead at police officers only for no human casualties to flash across the screen. Mind you, he is carrying John Connor, who is chiefly important to protect, while being fired upon. But bullets have very little weight in this movie.

Then there is the whole Linda Hamilton thing—or lack thereof. I did some reading, and I guess she had the good sense to not want to come back, and so they simply wrote that she died off-screen. Why do all of these follow-up writers and directors want to kill beloved James Cameron characters off-screen? Yuck.

The story feels directionless. There is an immediate need to survive, but not a strong direction that the protagonists are working towards, and the movie is weaker for it. It takes nearly an hour into the movie before one of the trio even believes that what is happening is real. The script just isn’t it, and it doesn’t show a skilled creator.

Oh, and stating that Judgment Day is inevitable and could never be stopped kind of kills the franchise vibe. It just does not feel as good that all effort in prior movies was only to delay the dial a bit. It is also absurd that, of all the ways humanity would wreck itself, this is the one that has to happen—with only slight variations.

Oh, oh! I know they explained it, but having everyone of importance being killed within the confines of L.A. is seriously dumb. That is even after you ignore that none of these people seem to really matter, and their deaths just feel like a waste of time. Plus, they never once draw the worry out of people like a simple phone call could prior. I really feel like the director has to be at large fault here for not recognizing so many faults.

Even the lighting is awful and lacks any character. Zero mood.

Effects

All over the place—some visuals look great, and others look at home in a cheap SyFy channel flick.

Cast

The cast is all over the place. The aggressing Terminator—beautiful and deadly—is unevenly portrayed. I don’t entirely blame Kristanna Loken, as there are childish choices throughout the movie and our antagonist is not spared from them, as her breasts grow to try to trick an officer during a speeding stop. Not to mention she is led through the role as a smug terminator and that just feels so out of place. Slight smiles in response to swing in her direction feel overly human and wasteful. After creating two of the most iconic killing machines, this one wet the bed.

Arnie is himself but also falls victim to such jokes without buildup or payoff. “Talk to the hand,” he tells a gas station clerk when confronted about paying for items he has collected. None of these items prove vital, and I am not really sure what the stop accomplished for the script, but it is just one small example in a sea of examples of why the movie is bad.

New John Connor, played by Nick Stahl, never offers anything unique but isn’t terrible. It is a case where you could swap him out with any other early 2000s star and it would be samey. It is a shame—movies like In the Bedroom show that he can definitely act. I just take this as further evidence that the director doesn’t know what he is doing. Sorta similar vibes from Claire Danes as future wife to John Connor. I had to look up that her name is Kelly, but I don’t think it should be held against me. The movie doesn’t give Kelly anything to really work with that isn’t trio-discussions about what is coming in the future.

Conclusion

It is bad and it is better to leave it off the timeline.

A Minecraft Movie (2025) 2/5

Categories 2/5, Action, Adventure, Comedy, Family, Fantasy, Movie and Series Reviews

I have probably spent upward of a thousand hours goofing off in Minecraft Java Edition. I accomplish very little, but I always have a good time each time I jump back in since launch. That being said, I know the target audience is probably younger and so I went into watching A Minecraft Movie ready to embrace that it was for a younger audience. Even having done that, I just don’t think the movie is very good. Spoilers ahead.

Visuals

Visually, the movie is charming at times. In the real world, there is an aesthetic to the locations and even more so to the characters. However, I think quite a few scenes in the Overworld are jarring as real people stand on animated terrain. At times, the green screens feel present even when completely unseen. That isn’t to say that there is not some cool imagery here. The Nether looks especially neat and is an area that is mostly kept for just the piglins, and so it works very well.

Characters

Jack Black doesn’t slouch in his efforts as Steve, and fully tries to sell each scene regardless of whether they work or not and that is to be commended. Most of the other characters don’t really get fleshed out. Danielle Brooks is almost insultingly treated, as she plays Dawn, who gets to serve up almost nothing to the story and her character is little more than just a face to react to things. Trailing behind is Emma Myers as Natalie, with some initial development that doesn’t ever go anywhere or circle back meaningfully. Jason Momoa as Garret “Garbage Man” Garrison gets some fun moments and serves as comedic relief and a very mild foil to others’ good intent. He has some legitimately funny personality and that was cool to see when I was assuming he would grate my nerves based off the poster. Henry, played by Sebastian Eugene Hansen, doesn’t change throughout the flick and his growth is not succeeding (through no fault of his own) and then succeeding.

So characters? Very mishandled, with some comedic moments that land. Just don’t expect any sort of growth or depth beyond a 1 block pond.

Story

The movie feels like “behind the scenes”, there was a lot of committee in its making. Without a cohesive vision to make the entire project unified, it feels exactly like a corporate cash grab with interference. A lot of the IP itself is handled well, with nods to Minecraft culture. Some not so much, like the most polite creepers ever. The movie also doesn’t really do a good job of explaining why its characters would ever choose to leave the Overworld for the real world. You have two lonely kids, one in a bad job and the other in a bad school. A woman who seems to be hustling at multiple jobs that are tiring her out. A guy who is stuck in the past and would kill for a chance at some forward measure of success. Also, what happened to the diamonds they went out of their way for him to pocket? Steve also has no real reason to leave, as he seems to love where he is and has not tired of it. The only thing that made me see the sense in their choices was that the world didn’t inspire the level of joy that the game does and that is a shame.

Oh, and the post-credits sequel setup was weirdly done. It is clearly one person acting and another person speaking as Alex.

Creature Commandos: Season 1 (2024) 4/5

Categories 4/5, Action, Animation, Movie and Series Reviews
Creature Commandos

The major plot points do not shock or surprise in Creature Commandos, but the journey is fun nonetheless. If you are familiar with James Gunn’s recent works, then you will know what to expect here. The lovable weirdos prove themselves to be lovable once again through his careful telling.

I think if the show had a bit more time with characters, it could go even a bit further. Some back stories do feel a little rushed and one feels a bit inappropriately placed. However, it speaks to the quality of the show that wishing for mostly more is a complaint. The attention to details in mannerisms from the script to the animation are to be applauded.

There is a lot of stand out work in the voice acting as well. Sean Gunn is a joy as G.I. Robot and once again as Weasel, Shohreh Aghdashloo shows up briefly as a Madam, Alan Tudyk is magnificent as Doctor Phosphorus, really nobody phones it in. I think David Harbour is probably the only character, as Frankenstein, that it was a little tougher for me to not hear the actor instead of the character. I get it though, Gunn wants to cast characters who can also fill in as live action versions of their characters and I would be on board seeing Harbour treated to a muscle suit in a good movie this time.

I hope Gunn can figure out a way to keep the outlandish and the weirdos functional in a mainstream way, because this gave me hope for vibing with comic book movies again.

Kraven (2024) 2/5

Categories 2/5, Action, Movie and Series Reviews, Thriller

I wanted to like Kraven, I really did. Watching Aaron-Taylor Johnson punch windows is an enjoyable way to spend time. The problem is, nothing is gained here. I have no more faith in Sony to make anything solid with the Spider-Man villains than I did before. The writing is atrocious, and the visual spectacle, in a sea of visual spectacles, doesn’t really impress.

That is a large part of the problem with Kraven summed up. Everything feels like it has been done better elsewhere and with better sense. Simply being less egregious than Madame Web is not enough, nor should anyone use that metric. If you put together a capable cast like Kraven did, then you should bring a script and direction that makes something not immediately forgotten after viewing. Russell Crowe is a very capable actor, but he feels wasted here, and everything you think is going to happen is mostly what happens. It is unbearable.

I really wish there was some common sense in the writing most of all. This is Kraven, and him being a bit naughtier would have been a welcome thing. Like when Kraven asks what the magic juice—the source of his power—is, maybe wrap that around the idea that he wants more power, he is… craving it. The visuals also imply a movie that wants to be edgy but then pushes back against itself. Why go for an R rating if it is just to knock off a few goons and then contrast that with PG-13-style displays of Kraven getting tossed around? The blood and violence never feel truly integrated into the world around them, as they appear and vanish instantly. There is a helicopter scene that gets close to cool, but while doing more, it somehow feels a lot less than Captain America: Civil War and its helicopter-wrangling. That is the whole movie though, making you wish you were watching something else.

The villains are just there in Kraven, and the setup for familial conflict—both within the film and for its high-hoped sequel—is exhausting and often feels unearned.

Red One (2024) 2.5/5

Categories 2.5/5, Action, Comedy, Movie and Series Reviews

Shining brightest when leaning into unique ideas on mythology, Red One also does little with what it makes. That being said, Kristofer Hivju’s portrayal of Krampus is kind of awesome beyond the rest of the film. Unfortunately, Christmas magic seems to be missing from Red One. Visual effects, while serviceable, drain a lot of the movies energy with their overly abundant presence. You can feel the green screen imposing upon cheer, lurking. Like the sweet-sapping presentation of a “where it all began” sign, hanging off of a CGI creation of Santa’s original workshop.

Dwayne Johnson is Dwayne Johnson and Chris Evans is Chris Evans with a little bit of Ryan Reynolds in spirit. Both of the leads are likable, but they do not leave such a mark as to feel attached to the movie in any irreproachable union. Watching Evans get rag-doll thrown around in action sequences feels awkward at times, lacking any special powers, and left me wondering if the film forgot he is not playing Captain America.

The movie is not a pure misfire like the poster would leave you to expect and I would never say it is a lump of coal, but it could be a padding gift at the bottom of a stocking. The originality is mishandled, but somehow the film still sneaks in as average. I credit Krampus and his large hands. If you are into action flicks and mindless holiday viewings, then maybe consider Red One. Just be prepared, because the movie runs about half an hour longer than it deserves.

Old Henry (2021) 5/5

Categories 5/5, Action, Drama, Movie and Series Reviews, Western

Old Henry feels like a throwback to rarely seen westerns. It lacks a lot of flash and for some that could feel as tired as Henry himself feels, but I think this western works so well because it keeps things simple.

Tim Blake Nelson gives an amazing performance, capturing a look and feel that sells the character. The supporting cast is no slouch either.

If anyone has patience for an economical story like this, then they will not regret it. The director and writer, Potsy Ponciroli, is someone to look out for. This is a movie that could bridge the gap between grandmas wanting to watch their westerns and the modern movie goer.

Alien Resurrection (1997) 2/5

Categories 2/5, Action, Horror, Movie and Series Reviews, Sci-Fi

Whedon does not get a pass for this. I had to search for this, he commented that the movies script was mostly intact but the direction was bad. Then he commented the casting was bad later. Everything was bad except his script.

Don’t get me wrong, the direction is extra bad and there are bits where you could see the writers intent vs what we got, but its bad. A tone correction to pronouncing fork would not have fixed this mess. I don’t think this would have been a Serenity, and I don’t think jokes about Walmart show any appreciation for the setting. Whedon is not one to take blame though, clearly.

It is amazing how many recognizable faces are in this and yet how squandered it all is. Whedon complained about typcasting but I think actors who know how to play a type is a small issue in the grand scheme. Winona Ryder is the only one who seems to struggle a bit, with any other issues being down to directors interpretation of scenes. That direction will definitely be noticeable though, as at the time the director did not speak english and I believe this is why jokes are often said loudly or seriously.

There are just far too many nonsense things that happen and make no sense. Also, basketball. In general though, it feels as though Whedon didn’t really get what came before. Established things are not taken seriously, like if a face-hugger gets on you all the way then you probably aren’t getting it off.

Being brave with a series isn’t the worst. A franchise like Scream has suffered from beating the same drum over and over again in my opinion. I think the idea of injecting more humor, as the script seemed to want to do, isn’t necessarily wrong. The first movie was horror, then action, then whatever the third was (worse action?), and this could have been a blend or some such. It needs to respect the foundations though, and it struggles to find any footing.